My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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