8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
