you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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