I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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