I seem to have left my pride at pride
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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