when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize