When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
