he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
