Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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