Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
