Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
