hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
