I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
