I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Randomize
