things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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