They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
