if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
