What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
