im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Randomize
