remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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