i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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