you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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