I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
