i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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