I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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