He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
