You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
