I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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