Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
