I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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