He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed đ
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
His name isnt in my phone as âSatanâs spawnâ for no reason. #devildick
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
