she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
