you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
