Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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