We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
