Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
