apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
there is glitter all over my balls
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
