My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
