I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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