it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
