Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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