That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
