he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
