Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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