I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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