Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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