he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
