is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
