remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
