i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
