Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize