i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Randomize
