Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
