she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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