If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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