so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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