Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
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