theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
