Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
