awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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