i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
we should paint friendship bongs
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