No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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