omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
