did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
