Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
