Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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