Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
