Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
