what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
