they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
