I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
