we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
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