i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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