I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
