I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
