there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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